Cukup Buat Aku Tersenyum

Disinilah aku kembali menulis. Terinspirasi dan mungkin terdorong untuk menulis setelah membaca beberapa lembar tulisan bang Faris, mahasiswa S3 - Hubungan Internasional di Ankara University, Turki, yang terkenal sangat memperhatikan mode di kalangan mahasiswa lainnya di Ankara.

Kali ini tulisan ini akan benar-benar aku bungkus dalam bahasa ibuku sendiri, bahasa Indonesia. Pertama, karena tidak ada penjelasan spesifik untuk siapa kata 'dia' ditujukan, seperti yang kita selalu temukan dalam bahasa Inggris. Kedua, karena aku hanya ingin berbagi tulisan ini kepada mereka yang jelas-jelas mengerti maksud dari setiap kata yang ku ketik. Supaya lebih jelas: mengerti maksud, bukan mengerti siapa yang aku bicarakan. Meskipun ada mesin penerjemah, tetap saja kalau tidak mengerti konteks secara mendasar, tulisan ini sulit untuk ditebak. Baiklah, mari kita mulai.

Jujur tangan ini gatal untuk menuangkan konflik antara pikiran dan perasaan. Sekali lagi aku harus jujur bahwa kali ini adalah pertama kalinya aku kembali menulis mengenai 'perasaan' setelah... hmm jaman SMP, kalau tidak salah. Aku belakangan ini dihadapkan oleh sesuatu yang tampaknya remeh. Rasa kagum terhadap seseorang.  Pikiranku dengan rasionalnya berkata bahwa kagum adalah kagum dan tidak ada penjelasan lainnya yang menyimpang tentang kata tersebut. Tapi perasaan ini berkata lain. Duh, gawat. Perasaan mengingatkanku bahwa 'semua' berawal dari kagum.

Disini adalah tantangannya. Terkadang ingin sekali berbagi kepada teman-teman dekat mengenai siapa dirinya. Perasaan lega sekali ketika berbagi cerita tentang dirinya kepada orang lain. Karena dengan begitu akan ada beberapa pikiran yang hadir terhadap satu perasaan. Hal itu mungkin dapat membuat diri menjadi semakin rasional, bukan? Tapi tampaknya sulit rasanya untuk mengungkapkan sesuatu yang kita sendiripun bingung apa itu sesungguhnya. Huh.

Masih terus mencoba menggali apa yang benar-benar disana. Berharap itu semua hanya sekedar kagum dan tidak lebih dari itu. Kita lihat saja nanti...

Walaupun... aku tahu pasti akan ada orang-orang yang tersenyum nakal atau bahkan tertawa membaca tulisanku ini. Tapi ya sudahlah aku mengerti perasaan mereka yang sudah tahu siapa dibalik semua ini. Haha. Sama halnya seperti aku. Benar-benar sadar sedang berlagak seperti anak yang baru merasakan cinta monyet dan menulisnya dalam blog.

Hanya bisa tersenyum malu-malu, kawan...

Break the code, Ghosts.

Gaah...it always feels great to be back writing the unspokens. Yes, home alone. Here I am being home alone. Before my family went back to Indonesia, I always thought that being home alone or not would have no big difference, as you obviously just lived in the same house, but alone and that's it!

Hold on, that's not really 'it'! Recently I've just found out that being home alone makes a big difference. I'm not going to be talking about me getting used to do my laundry, my food and so on. Needless to say, we will end up getting used to do such things when we are home alone, right? But the thing I meant here is another thing.

My home alone experience seems to have taught me something. It really does tell me that I really am alone. Not only in physical sense, but also other sense that I, myself, can hardly explain. It sometimes (always?) sucks to know that you are alone in your house. You may feel lonely and have nothing to do besides doing your laundry, tidying your rooms and preparing your food. You may even go online often if you have no other work to do (as I'm doing now hahaha) to talk with your friends. Or you may hang out somewhere with or without your friends. Either way works for me.

But, as my parents once said, you obviously cannot always depend upon your friends. Your friends are indeed your friends and you've got to be there when your friends need you. But one thing that you should know, they are not always going to be there for you. They have their own life, and you do have your own life as well. And you gotta respect that! Got it?

Anyway, let's talk about the experience.

It is sometimes hard to realize that something you think is there is not really there. Just like ghosts. Frankly, when I'm home alone, I feel that something is behind me that makes me too afraid to turn my face around and look. But when I turn my face around, there is nothing there. Yes, there is indeed nothing there. I've understood that all this time I was just too scared to look and realize that there is actually nothing around me. Hahaha, ghosts, you no longer scare me.

Yes, I know now...there's nothing to be afraid of. I shouldn't be afraid to look and face the reality. The reality tells me that there is nothing behind me. There's nothing around me. I'm alone as I was and will always be. Even if it's believed that the ghosts are flying around accompanying me being home alone, they are just there, right? Yes, they are just there! They're not gonna harm you. They are not gonna do something to you. So, the point is that being home alone has taught me that I really am alone, and no ghosts in particular. And for all of you, we really are alone as well. But that's not a big deal. We just need to go through it and that's all.

Now, that's really 'all'! :D

Bukan biru, bukan abu-abu.

Halo semua...

Hanya ingin berbagi tentang perasaan malam ini secara singkat. Mungkin bisa dibilang galau, tapi jangan dipanggil galau lah, hanya merenung sejenak. Entah kenapa malam ini perasaan ingin sekali mendengar lagu-lagu pop Indonesia yang dulu menemani masa putih biru dan putih abu-abu. Senyum-senyum sendiri mengingat beberapa kejadian lucu pada masa itu. Di satu sisi ingin sekali mengulang atau setidaknya melihat kejadian-kejadian itu terjadi. Tapi, apa daya...


Meski sudah hampir memasuki tahun ke-2 di Turki, saya tidak pernah merasakan bagaimana cepatnya waktu berjalan. Terutama ketika melihat gambar-gambar di akun Facebook maupun Twitter, wajah-wajah yang terpampang di dalamnya seakan-akan menyegarkan memori. Jujur saya rindu. Rindu teman-teman biru dan abu-abu dan hal-hal indah yang pastinya tidak akan pernah terjadi dua kali dalam hidup.

Memang pasti ada beberapa yang tidak mencoba menengokkan kepala mereka atau bahkan ada beberapa yang datang ketika mereka sadar ini waktunya untuk datang. Tapi ya sudahlah, kita memang manusia yang mempunyai kemampuan memilih dan memutuskan suatu keputusan. Toh mereka tetap orang yang wajahnya ada di foto-foto saya. Orang yang melakukan hal sama dengan saya ketika ada di dalam foto. Berkreasi dengan jari-jari indah yang menunjukan rasa damai maupun metal atau bahkan mungkin dengan membentuk wajah aneh baru. Ayo tebak itu apa...jika disebutkan satu persatu, rasanya sulit untuk mengakhirinya. Tapi jangan diakhiri lah teman...seperti besok mau mati saja. Hahaha.

Intinya adalah, untuk semua teman-teman, saya rindu kalian dan kita semua...

Alone We Do Good, Together We Do Better

Random poem made at random times.

Alone we do good, together we do better

People are getting bored of it.

They say we are better if together,

They say we go stronger if united

But why does it matter if we gather?

Togetherness takes time

We do end up being late

Yet, alone we chime

Getting fixed as months and dates

But they say we are mistaken

Things will be much worse if we are separated

We would say we already are

We can’t yet see as it’s hidden

We are not liars

Who tells ‘how’, yet don’t do ‘what’

We are just peculiar

Trying to find the right path

People may be tired

They may be sick of things undone

But we are not like that

We’re never down

We’re here

Together

Shine brighter

Than ever

Alone we do good,

Together we do better

Sairindri Gita Christisabrina

Because we only live once...

Here I am again starting to share something with you. I'm so inspired to write a feedback about a movie I just watched 10 minutes ago. It's titled The Five People You Meet In Heaven that is based on a best selling novel by Mitch Albom. First of all, let me remind you that I have no intention to commercially promote this movie nor the book, I just believe that some messages, the quotes in particular, it has are worth learning and grasping.

"...the world is full of stories but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom

Though the title tells you five people, it does not mean that you are going to meet five people in heaven. As you see from its name, you would probably think that this movie explains things beyond how we ourselves can explain. Some would even say that it has a piece of missionary. They may be right. For me, this movie has another message we can grasp as a lesson-learned, or lesson-not-yet-learned. Started by telling a story about a man who was hopless with his life as he thought he was such a useless man. He assumed that all he did was nothing but a failure. Let me start with this

We're all connected somehow. 

One thing that I could hardly believe is whether everything happens for a reason. I used to think that it's nonense. But then I realized that it could actually be true. People sometimes say "things happen as it should." or "things are happened as it should be.". It got me thinking. 'As it should', 'as it should be'? Can someone explain me further what that actually means?

This movie made me recognize things I ignored. In the movie, it was shown how things you did affected others and so did the other way around and forth endlessly. Well, it is explained that our lives and experiences are all interconnected in some way. But the thing is we can't see how that happens as we can never go beyond our limit as a human. We are only aware of things that we can reach through our five senses. Other than that, a big no. 

If asked, I would like to understand how it is interconnected and to whom my experiences are connected and affected. But I can't, anyhow. Sometimes I come to realize how it happens. There are indeed some things I found interconnected. But I usually find them out long after the connected-one happens. One day won't be enough to tell you all about it.

However, the movie indicates things which can't be found, nor explained in our lives on Earth but are explained in afterlife (as I said, they may be right for giving such opinions about the movie). The alterlife is not my point, but the other things we should remember in our lives that happen to be conveyed in the movies are. 

For the man I've mentioned before, he learned not to be ashamed of things happened in his life all along. He came to love his life as he found out that some things he thought had happened to him didn't really happen as he thought they did. Yes, that seems right to me. Some things didn't really happen as we think they did; also sometimes what we think has happened is not what has actually happened indeed. Yet, it has always had at least a reason both we know and not. But here we are again, being unable to know all.

If only I could have all explained, I would most probably feel peaceful, as state of peace, for me, is when I have certainty. I don't have it however. No one does. We always feel insecure of uncertainties. 

But I believe that at one point in our lives we will unveil the unexplained ones and understand something. I don't know exactly when.

As I have no clue, one thing that I can at least understand is that things happened in our lives are not something to be hated or ashamed of, yet to be accepted and learned. And the movie may have pinched me to remember that I should love my life, I mean, love all things in life with no exception. If I can't, at least I should try to do so. It may seem so utopian though and somehow unrealistic. But I fully believe that what one of the quotes in the movie says is actually true, that there's always a purpose for our life. We live for a reason the same way that people die for a reason. Where we are today is a combination of all past actions, decisions, and the way the people around have affected us.

Pretty conclusive! Life is not supposed to be taken for granted, don't you think? I'll leave it up to you.

I had better end this post now than never...hahaha.

No story sits by itself, sometimes stories meet at corners and sometimes they cover one another completely, like stones beneath a river. - Mitch Albom

Thanks for reading!

*The quotes: GoodReads - Quotes by Mitch Albom

Just Give Us a Reason

"Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk (feat. Nate Ruess)

It was all started by someone who brought this song into my house. Let me begin. I usually have some friends staying over my house over the weekend. They are kak Deden, Baim, kak Dicky and sometimes Sabiq. They are all Indonesian students studying in Ankara, Turkey, the place where I also live. In my house, we usually stay in the living room. It is the most perfect place to go surfing on the Internet, as there is one big square table, which is supposed to be dining table, where we usually have our work done. Well, frankly, my house is just like Internet corner where we gather in the square table, which is close to the WiFi, have our laptops on and barely talk. Great! 

One day, kak Deden and Baim came over my house. We were busy doing our own stuff on our laptops in the living room. Since we got work to do, we managed to focus on what we were doing. We at times talked though. But, you know, this autistic thing happened. At one point, kak Deden broke the ice. He started talking about one song. He actually played the song on his büyük phone. But I did not really listen to it. So, I could not really enjoy the essence of it. 

When we were having our break time in the kitchen, we again started to talk about some songs. I asked kak Deden for some recommended songs. He suggested me the same song "Just Give Me a Reason". He seemed to manage to prove that I should listen to this song. He then played it on. You know what happened? I really enjoyed it. Hahaha. But I wasn't really affected much by the song. Then, we went back working in the living room. I was on YouTube and had my earphones on. I was so intrigued to listen to the song kak Deden recommended. I listened to it myself. Surprisingly, that's not only me who was doing that. Even Baim was also listening to the song (not with earphones though). I was like "Seriously, we are listening to this song.". Well, we all like it. 

Hold on, it doesn't stop there. Since that day, we've always had the song on whenever and wherever we get together. Even if we are not working on something, we still sing the song. On the bus, on the street, and all the places over my house. And anyway since we are so intense singing and listening to this song, such routinity even made my Dad whistle this song once. I think the song has stuck in his head too. Hahaha. I'm aware that it may seem exaggerated. I have no intention to promote the song though. I'm just trying to figure out 'how to give a reason'. But this togetherness of listening to this song apparently can never give a reason of why we (3) like listening to "Just Give Me a Reason" frequently. 

Mendung yang Mengetarkan Hati

Setelah dua minggu lamanya saya baru menyadari hal ini hari ini. Hanya mau berbagi suatu kejadian yang baru saja saya saksikan. Tepatnya dua hari yang lalu, saya bertemu seorang mahasiswa tunanetra (kanan). Saya mengenalnya karena kebetulan kami mempunyai kelas yang sama tahun lalu. Dulu saya selalu melihat beliau selalu bersama seseorang yang sangat baik hati menuntunnya ke kelas. Kemungkinan besar mereka adalah teman sekelas beliau. Pada saat itu saya kagum. Kagum akan keinginan beliau untuk menggali ilmu. Saya sempat mengutarakan hal ini kepada beliau, dan saya masih ingat jelas apa yang beliau katakan "Saya ingin pintar dan mengetahui banyak hal.". Setelah semester berakhir, saya tidak pernah melihat beliau di gedung dimana saya biasanya berada. Saya sempat berasumsi beliau menyerah. Namun, ternyata asumsi saya salah. Tepat dua minggu yang lalu saya melihatnya berjalan keluar gedung bersama seorang ibu. Saya tidak terlalu mengihiraukannya karena saya pikir mungkin beliau hanya akan melakukan sebuah registrasi. Tetapi ternyata bahkan sampai sekarang ibu itu masih ada disampingnya, menuntunnya dan memayunginya dari hujan. Dua hari yang lalu saya melihat mereka berjalan di koridor menuju kelas-kelas. Dan tepat hari ini 14 Mei 2013 pada jam 10:40 ini saya melihat mereka bersama. Lagi, ibu itu menuntunnya. (Telah disadari terlalu banyak berasumsi itu terkadang tidak baik). Tanpa berpikir panjang, saya mengikuti mereka dan berinisiatif untuk mengambil gambar mereka. Saya hanya ingin berbagi rasa senang dan bangga saya akan beliau, karena jujur saya sangat mengharapkan beliau melanjutkan kuliahnya. Sedikit curhat: bagaimanapun beliau pernah membuat saya termotivasi kembali melanjutkan satu mata kuliah yang dulu sempat saya withdraw. Dan malah kali ini, bukan hanya motivasi yang saya dapat, tapi satu pelajaran tentang seorang ibu. Seorang tanpa tanda jasa. Namun, satu pertanyaan saya muncul, kemanakah orang-orang baik itu?

There comes a day of awakening

It has been 2 years since I created this blog. Though I lost everything I'd posted, I'm still glad this blog is still working well. I can at least pour my thoughts into words as I used to do. I'm aware that my old writings were all about my high school years in which 'alay' and 'galau' (the terms used to direct uncertainty; Google may have a better answer) converge into one perfectly combined situation. However, they were still the starters without which I could (probably) never start off writing on blog. Past is past...move forward! Hahaha. Now I'm back and ready to start it all over. Start building things I have basically started. But, I don't think I have more thing to say about my awakening. So, better stop at this point! See you at the next posting :)